


Life On Paper

by DaniJayNel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bookstore AU, F/F, Fluff, Oneshot, awkward Ymir, happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 07:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10566471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniJayNel/pseuds/DaniJayNel
Summary: Ymir meets Historia at a bookstore, where they connect through their love of books. Ymir doesn't realize that her influence is what Historia needed most to keep on living.





	

_Just talk to her,_ Ymir internally hissed at herself. _Approach her casually and greet her._ She swallowed thickly but didn’t move from her frozen position in front of the sci-fi  & fantasy section. She was in her local bookstore, perusing the latest publications. Or at least, she had been trying to. Just as Ymir had been preparing to head over to the fiction section, someone stepped through the door that made Ymir’s entire body freeze up. Her heart seized, her knees jiggled and her palms began to sweat. Ymir had to quickly set the book in her hand aside, least she moisten it.

The girl was otherworldly. She strolled in with quick, quiet purpose. Even from a distance Ymir could see how blue her eyes were, and they were unnerving. Ymir got the sense that if those eyes looked at her, they’d look at _her._ All of her. Naked and vulnerable. That scared her. But god, how could someone be so beautiful? The girl was tiny, especially compared to Ymir’s towering body. Though she was quite short, she didn’t appear weak. Not at all. Ymir had a suspicion that if she snuck up on the girl she would be tossed over her shoulder. Wow. Imagining this small, blonde goddess throwing her to the ground had an odd appeal.

Ymir groaned. _Fuck, I’m so creepy. She doesn’t even know I exist, and here I am, freaking my shit out just because she exists. Fuck._ She tried to calm her breathing and her heart, but as long as she was in the same vicinity as that blonde goddess, that was impossible. How on earth was she supposed to talk to her, even? Ymir liked to imagine that she was quite smooth, had a way with the ladies. But truthfully, she was an awkward, socially inept mess. She was more likely to mispronounce her name in five different ways before ever saying ‘hi’. Ymir knew this, because she had done it often. Her friends always tried to set her up with pretty girls, but Ymir was just too… Ymir. She fucked it up every time.

“Do you require any assistance?”

Ymir nearly jumped right out of her skin. Her eyes widened comically and she must have been quite the sight, because the bookseller gave her a concerned look and pressed her lips together, almost as if she was trying not to laugh.

“I apologize for startling you,” the woman said. Ymir eyed her nametag. _Mikasa_ it said. “You’ve been standing here a while. Can’t decide what book to get?”

Ymir swirled her tongue around the inside of her mouth, trying to gather her wits enough to speak. She cleared her throat. “I’m, uh, yeah. There isn’t really anything new in.”

Mikasa gave her a very slight smile. “Unfortunately this section doesn’t see too many buyers, and thus we are restricted on how much new stock we may order in. If you would like to purchase one of these books, our sci-fi section would be grateful.”

Ymir relaxed slightly. She allowed her eyes to flick over the various titles that had caught her eye. She came here so often that she could immediately spot a new book, and as she’d said, there weren’t many. It was understandable, she supposed. They lived in a rather small, religious town. Not many townsfolk came here, and hardly any fell over themselves to buy fantasy or science fiction books. Which was a shame. It was Ymir’s favourite genre.

“What would you suggest?” Ymir asked.

Mikasa rocked on her hills once and hummed softly. “Let’s see.” She started studying the selection of books. While she did that, Ymir snuck another look at where the goddess had been standing, only to feel disappointment pool in her belly when she was nowhere to be seen. Had she walked out? Ymir bit down on her lip. “How about this one?” Mikasa straightened and held a book out, expression careful. “I read it in two days on my breaks. It’s really good.”

Ymir took the book. “Diabolic?” She really liked the cover, the clash of vivid red on the front cover and white on the back. She flipped the book to read the description, eyebrows lifting. “Damn, that does sound interesting.”

Mikasa nodded. “It’s pretty brutal, and it deals with topics that I think everyone considers at some point in their lives. The meaning of being alive, why we are here. Can we choose our own destinies? Nemesis, the main character, was made for one purpose only, but over time she takes control of her own life and decides what to do with it.” Mikasa stared at the book, smiling. “My only caution is not to get your hopes up for the two main female characters to hook up. Doesn’t happen.” She sighed. “I learnt that the hard way.”

Ymir felt her face heat up. “Am I that obvious?”

Mikasa chuckled and tapped her nose. “My gaydar is on point. I hope you’re not offended by my assumption.”

Ymir snorted rather ungracefully. “Nah, not at all. It’s nice to be recognized by fellow gays, so it’s cool. I’ll think about this book.” She couldn’t help but glance over at fiction again, longing to see the tiny girl again. Mikasa must have noticed her staring, because when Ymir looked at her again she was grinning oddly.

“She’s at the counter,” Mikasa told her, amused. “If you hurry you might get a chance to say hi.” She winked and then walked off calmly, hands clasped behind her back. Ymir stared at her, blinking.

Well, the book in her hands did sound quite interesting, and a very big part of Ymir wanted to read it solely because Mikasa had seemed to enjoy it so much. It took a couple of seconds of inner arguing for Ymir to finally force her legs to move. Sure enough, the girl was by the counter. She’d just been too short for Ymir to see her over the tops of the gondolas. She smothered the urge to laugh at herself and nervously approached the counter. The girl—who okay, whoa, was _not_ a girl at all but actually a woman—was busy putting her pin in for her bank card. A tall blonde woman stood behind the counter, smiling at her. Ymir set her book down on the other side of the counter by the second till, and smiled politely at the cashier.

“Good morning Ymir,” she said brightly and rather loudly. “Another book? You bought one just yesterday!”

Ymir flushed when Blonde Goddess looked at her in curiosity. She tried not to stare back, because then she would definitely stutter. “Hi Sasha. I finished it,” she explained. “I took off to read it.”

Sasha clucked her tongue. “Wish I had all that time to read as much as you do.”

Ymir nodded for a plastic bag and set her card down on the counter. “You work in a bookstore,” she supplied, deadpan.

Sasha laughed. “And our number one rule is no reading on the job. It’s torture, I tell you. Imagine being surrounded by all these beautiful books, just outside of your reach.”

Blonde Goddess laughed softly, garnering Sasha’s attention. She shot her a bright smile. “You totally sneak off to read,” Blonde Goddess said, a brow lifted in challenge. “It’s what I used to do.”

Sasha handed the card machine over for Ymir to punch her pin in, then gaped openly in the Goddess’s direction. “You worked in a bookstore before?”

Goddess nodded. “For this company, actually.”

“Where?”

“Sina.”

Nanaba, Goddess’s cashier, made a soft sound. “Ouch. Our flag store is there. Must have been busy as hell.”

Goddess once again laughed. It sounded like music, the sort fairies and elves and anything covered in glitter would make underneath a pale shaft of moonlight. Ymir couldn’t help but stare like a dork, and unfortunately Goddess seemed to notice. Nanaba handed over her slip and her book. Ymir caught sight of the title and for a short, sharp second, her nerves completely fell away.

“That’s a really good book,” she blurted. Goddess cast her an interested look. As expected those eyes were piercing. Ymir didn’t back down no matter how bright she knew her cheeks were or how frantic her heart was beating. Sasha was busy finalizing her sale, printing the slip, and Nanaba was leaning casually against the counter with her arms crossed over her chest as if she was settling in for the show. Ymir swallowed.

“Oh? You’ve read it?” Ymir nodded lamely. “Would you… like to tell me about it?”

If Ymir’s stomach could tickle itself, then it just did. “S-sure! Um, now?”

Goddess’s eyes travelled down her body. They were complete opposites—Ymir brown, tall, freckled and the Goddess pale, short and unblemished. “I don’t have anywhere to be right now,” she said, smiling. “My name is Historia by the way.”

Ymir almost forgot to breathe. _Historia._ _His—_ holy shit, what an odd yet beautiful name.

“Thank you,” Historia said, the slight points of her cheeks dotted with pink. Ymir’s brows connected.

“What?”

“You said my name is odd yet beautiful? I get that a lot.”

Sasha was snickering now. She’d already placed the till slip in Ymir’s book, the book in its bag atop the counter. Ymir’s hands were sweating again and she wiped them off on her black skinny jeans. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to, um….”

Historia reached out and very gently touched a fingertip to her wrist. “Are you alright? You look like you’re going blue.”

Ymir dragged in a long breath. The skin contact was minimal, but Ymir’s wrist tingled where Historia touched it. Just that one bit of contact chased Ymir’s nerves away. She offered a smile and nodded. “I’m fine, sorry. Just…” She gestured between them. “Not very talented in talking to pretty girls.”

Historia’s eyes filled with pure delight—not the gross, smug kind, but the most innocent, most surprised kind. She inhaled sharply. “Thank you, that’s very sweet of you. May I ask what your name is?”

Ymir nearly slapped herself. “Fuck—uh, sorry. My name’s Ymir.” She held her hand out. “It’s really nice to meet you.”

Historia took her hand and they shook. Ymir’s fingers were much, much longer than Historia’s, but her grip was much weaker. Historia squeezed her hand a little too hard, but Ymir refused to wince. The way Historia was looking at her, so carefully, so curiously, it was almost like she was waiting for Ymir to suddenly trip even though she wasn’t moving.

“It’s nice to meet you too. Would you like to go on a date with me, Ymir?”

Ymir’s chest blossomed and her tummy fluttered and a surprised, delighted laugh fell from her lips. Before Historia could take offense, like they usually did, Ymir grabbed her hand again, nodded. “I’d love to.”

Historia beamed at her. “Great. Let’s go right now. Do you drink coffee?”

They left the counter, Sasha and Nanaba both sending her encouraging smiles, though Sasha’s hinged on being a leer. Historia hadn’t let her hand go again, so she was all but dragging Ymir along.

“I’ll drink whatever you want,” Ymir blurted. Her face felt warm all over again, but it was worth it to hear Historia’s honey-laugh.

“I’m not accustomed to making someone this flustered.”

Ymir grinned. “Well, you’re breathtakingly beautiful.”

Historia’s ears turned pink then. Ymir didn’t even know her, this small, strange person that had so suddenly stolen the breath from her lungs. The book in her hand was all but forgotten, and all Ymir could see was Historia’s blue eyes staring up at her. They had paused in the middle of the mall, hands connected, hearts thudding.

“You know,” Historia began, voice but a whisper. A sudden sadness clouded her face. “People tell me I’m beautiful all the time. But you,” she stepped a little closer, voice dropping. “You’re the first that’s ever said it with your eyes.”

Ymir swallowed thickly. “My eyes?”

Historia’s hand slipped from hers and she skipped away. She grinned and laughed and the sadness was gone. She beckoned for Ymir to follow her, and Ymir did. She didn’t even know where to, only that it was with Historia, and she realized with a start that she’d follow this woman anywhere.

XxX

Coffee at the café turned into dinner at a restaurant, which turned into Historia eventually visiting Ymir at her home. Weeks and months flew by, of happy dates and the often excited exchange of book reviews. It was a burning passion between them, they realized—books. Whatever Ymir would recommend, Historia seemed to lavish, and the same went for Ymir. Historia preferred non-fiction, whereas Ymir much preferred fiction, but they met in the middle and found genuine interest in the other’s favourite books.

Ymir learned that Historia was very contemplative. Where Ymir would simply take the days as they came, make every impulsive decision that she could, Historia needed a plan and a vision. She needed to know the every when and where and how. Ymir also learned that Historia was very, _very_ sad. How so much sadness cold live within a soul so full of heart, Ymir didn’t know. But she did know that it made her want to give Historia the world.

“Are you at the part yet?” Historia asked her softly. Following the light tone of her voice, Ymir heard the swoosh of a turning page. She nuzzled a little closer to Historia’s tummy, her head resting on her lap.

“Almost,” she answered. “I think.”

Historia chuckled. “I’ll know when you’re there.”

Ymir turned the page. They fell silent, remained that way. The only sound was their soft breathing and the constant turning of pages. Historia finished her book before Ymir did and set it aside, sighing softly. Ymir was too distracted to suss out if that was a sigh of satisfaction or disappointment. When she reached the part, though, she shut the book between a gasp of horror.

“ _No,_ ” she groaned.

Historia laughed above her. Her tiny fingers came to play through Ymir’s hair, calming any upset there. “Keep going. It gets worse.”

Ymir bit into her lip. “Why’re you doing this to me?” She groaned, but Historia only laughed at her expense. She did as she was told, though, and read on. It did, indeed, get worse. Much so that Ymir shut the book and set it aside. She pouted. “You’re mean.”

Historia’s fingers paused in her hair. “I suppose.”

Ymir sensed the drop in her mood immediately. She tilted her head back to get a better view of her face. “His’?”

“Mm?”

This wouldn’t do. That sadness was back, clouding Historia’s beautiful face, dimming those bright eyes. Ymir sat up and got down on her knees on the floor, scooting closer until Historia’s legs were pressed to her hips. She blushed because of it, but pushed on. “There’s that look again.”

Historia’s brows scrunched up. “What look?”

Ymir lifted a hand and cupped her cheek. “That one. The sad one. It breaks my heart.”

Historia looked away. Ymir could see the beginnings of anger, so she rubbed her thumb along Historia’s skin to soothe it away. “I’m more than the sum of my parts,” Historia told her sternly. “More than just a pretty face.”

Ymir nodded. “Of course you are. I just…” How could she explain this? Convey how much she cared? In just a few short months, Historia meant everything to her. And there was always this sense that Ymir was going to lose her, somehow, somewhere, but soon. It frightened her sometimes, left her awake at night into the early morning. “Do you have something to live for?” she found herself asking.

Historia finally looked at her again, blinking in surprise. “What?”

Ymir pressed even closer. “I don’t need you to live,” she explained carefully. “Because that would be unhealthy. But you brighten my life, you make it more bearable. I live for the mere sake of living, you know? In my childhood I…” She bit down on her lip. It was a topic broached sporadically, and it always ended with one or both parties too depressed to continue. But this needed to be said. “My childhood would have killed anyone weaker. I’m better for it today. So I just, I see that look on your face, Historia. I recognized it. Please tell me you have _something_ that keeps you going.”

Historia wasn’t smiling, but there was a tender look in her eyes. Ymir opened her mouth to continue, but then Historia’s lips were on her own and it was their first kiss, and fireworks exploded behind Ymir’s eye. It wasn’t soft, either. It was rough and demanding and it pulled Ymir all the way in. She gripped onto Historia’s hips and must have pulled her closer, because they ended up on the floor, Ymir’s back against the coffee table and Historia on her lap. They kissed for minutes or they kissed for days. When Historia pulled away, Ymir followed her and the kissing resumed. Historia tasted like life. Like crying and laughing and screaming all in one. Like feeling and being. Ymir held her tightly and finally relinquished her lips and tongue, buried her face against Historia’s throat. The pulse there was thrumming.

“I’m fine, Ymir,” Historia finally whispered. “Before I met you, I was… I was in a very dark place. Happy in the outside, yeah, but on the inside all I wanted to do was just, not exist. You’ve helped me realize that there is more to life than existing. There is living.” She gripped onto Ymir’s shirt, forcing their bodies closer together. “Ymir, I…” A breath. “I love you.”

Ymir’s entire world simmered down to a single spot in her heart that throbbed and ached and then grew—grew and grew until her fingertips were hot. She grinned. “I love you too.”

And then they were laughing and in between kissing, and nothing else mattered in the world to them but words breathed to life on paper and their soft kisses and fluttering heartbeats.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! For those of you that still don't know, I'm CanaanAlphardForever and I have discarded that pen name for something a little closer to home. I am still THE CanaanAlphardForever, though. Thank you for reading this fic and I hope you stick around to read many more!


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